Quick summary: The way parents communicate with their children has a direct bearing on those children’s mental health, with research linking the quality of that communication to psychological well-being across the growing years. Children who are consistently taught to suppress emotion and hide vulnerability are more likely to become isolated, closed off, and unable to seek help when they need it most. Parents who make space for honest, emotionally open conversation, and who model that openness themselves, give their children a practical foundation for managing pain rather than internalising it.
In first grade, I hated myself. I wanted to be anyone other than who I was.
In second grade, I had vivid thoughts of suicide almost every day.
In third grade, I nearly slit my throat with a kitchen knife while I was alone in the house.
My parents would tell me to man up, be strong, not show weakness, not cry, and to get back up when I fell. I knew they loved me. I knew they were passing on what had been passed on to them. They were trying to prepare me for the world, the way they had been prepared.
And it worked, in a way. I became more resilient. But I also became more closed off. I started to feel that I had no right to be sad, no right to be vulnerable. Slowly, I turned into someone who smiled through everything and cried alone. I did not know how to respond when others expressed pain or difficulty, because I had never been shown that it was acceptable to do that in front of other people. Being strong, I had been taught, meant showing nothing.
It took time to learn that real strength is the opposite of that.
Research shows a direct link between the quality of parent-child communication and the mental health of a growing child. A conversation with your child is not only about discipline, or teaching, or having fun together. It is also about creating a space where they can be open, sensitive, and vulnerable without feeling ashamed for it.
That might sound straightforward. You might already be thinking that you just need to talk to your child about their feelings. But the harder and more essential part is this: you need to be willing to be vulnerable yourself. Your child needs to see that it is safe to speak.
Brené Brown, author of six number one New York Times bestselling books on vulnerability, wrote that vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy, and creativity.
You may have a great deal going on right now. Work is exhausting. Deadlines pile up. There are difficult colleagues and demanding bosses and very little room to breathe. But please find time to talk honestly with someone you trust. Not just about other people or workplace frustrations, but about yourself. Have a genuine conversation. Allow yourself to be seen.
Be an example to your child that it is acceptable to hurt, to cry, and to be yourself. Teaching children to be persistent and tough is not wrong, but there is a point at which toughness becomes numbness, and numbness becomes isolation.
So to every parent reading this: please start chipping away at whatever wall you have built around yourself. Learn to feel again. Let yourself out from under the weight of what you were told strength should look like. Do it for your child. Because one day, it might be the thing that stops them from standing alone in a kitchen, holding a knife.
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This piece contains references to childhood suicidal thoughts and self-harm. If you or someone you know is struggling, please reach out to a mental health professional or a crisis support service.
Kyle Guzman is a 15-year-old writer based in the Philippines with a growing interest in personal and reflective writing. She is currently building her portfolio and developing her voice across a range of topics.