When your friend is going through a rough patch, your first reaction will probably be to offer your help. But what happens when the only response you get is, “Don’t worry about me. I’ll be okay.”
Suddenly, you’re thrust into a tough situation. On the one hand, you want to respect your friend’s request. On the other hand, you want to take action. To be honest, you can do both. You just have to be careful not to overstep your bounds or make your friend feel like you’re not listening.
Before exploring your options, though, you should know that your situation isn’t unique. Many people who are struggling want to retain as much independence as they can. In their minds, accepting any help is a sign of weakness. (Spoiler alert: This is ironic since asking for assistance actually reflects strength and security.)
How can you break through this kind of social and psychological barrier in a respectful yet meaningful way? You can send the following tangibles and intangibles.
Send messages regularly
Staying in touch with someone who’s hurting or struggling is essential. But remember that you shouldn’t talk about their problems every time you call or text. (Repeatedly asking, “How are you today?” may make them feel obligated to relive uncomfortable situations.) Instead, talk about ordinary stuff that isn’t too heavy, like the crazy kid in your neighbourhood who plays the guitar loudly, and badly.
Being proactive and ensuring you’re regularly communicating keeps you and your loved one in contact, which makes it less likely that you’ll lose touch. Plus, it opens the door for a more in-depth chat if they change their mind and want to talk about what’s happening in their life.
Send a care package
If you know your special someone has been thrust into a difficult situation because of a sudden shock such as an illness, you can always send them one (or several) sympathy gifts. For instance, gift baskets filled with food can provide both nourishment and nurturing. Plus, they can be shared with the other people in the household.
Be aware that you might not hear an immediate “thank you” in response to your kindness. People who are going through grief may be overwhelmed. Be patient. Chances are strong that when your loved one’s world stops spinning (at least a little), you’ll hear from them.
Send a physical card
Greeting cards are a fantastic way to show your love and support. Sure, they might seem kind of “old school”, but they’re as essential and welcome now as they ever were. They also hold an element of surprise because your relative, buddy, or co-worker probably won’t expect to receive a mailed item.
You could even add a gift card to your greeting card. For example, you could send a gas gift card to someone who has been traveling a lot to take care of a sick family member. It might seem like a small gesture, but it could be a welcome surprise.
Send physical or digital pictures
Want a really easy assignment? Every few days, share silly or memorable photos with your friend. That way, you’ll be keeping in touch in a light-hearted way.
Of course, you’ll need to be judicious. If you send digital photos (or mail copies of physical ones), wait to see how your buddy reacts. Some people like to receive pictures more than others. If you text or mail several pictures and never get any indicators that your pictures were well-received, you may need to shift to a different approach.
Send books or magazines
Another sendable gift is reading material. As long as you know what type of subjects or authors that interest someone, you can have a book delivered right to their door.
Alternatively, you could send an e-code from an online bookstore so they can pick out the right book. (That’s often best if you aren’t quite sure what they’ve already read or want to read.) Again, the objective is to give your pal a way to get downtime through leisure activities.
Send an invitation for coffee or lunch
Look through your calendar. Find three dates and times when you could meet up with your loved one. Next, see if they’re available. Be sure to add that you’re picking up the tab and are looking forward to seeing them.
When you’re together, you can gently express your concerns and then let your friend make the next move. If the conversation stays fairly light, that’s fine. Let them guide the discussion and just be open to wherever it leads.
Send them special presents for their pets or kids
Does your loved one have a furry friend or children? You could always send gifts for them. This way, you’ll be showering your special someone with affection by allowing them to see the delight in their kids or fur babies.
It can be extremely rewarding to go this route, by the way. Even though you’re not directly helping your loved one, you’re making their world more positive and fun.
You may feel helpless when a friend who’s hurting tells you not to worry. However, you have more options to show that you’re in their corner than you might have realised. As long as you’re creative, you can send signals of affection and support their way — without getting IN their way.
Samantha Green, a psychology graduate from the University of Hertfordshire, has a keen interest in the fields of mental health, wellness, and lifestyle.