No one and nothing can prepare you for the emotional rollercoaster you endure post-stoma surgery, especially if your surgery is an emergency. Living with a stoma is a completely life-changing experience and really puts everything into perspective. It’s totally acceptable to have your good and bad days and it’s super important to allow yourself to feel how you want to feel.
Grieving your old body
This is probably what I found most difficult. In the beginning I didn’t want to practice acceptance, self-love or gratitude. I felt so lost in the beginning, I didn’t recognise myself or know how to be myself with my stoma bag. I felt like I had no control over the choices that were made for me. My emergency surgery was something I didn’t want and something I didn’t take lightly to. I really grieved my old body and personality, I kept asking myself if I didn’t love my body how could I expect anyone else too.
Frustration
I was extremely frustrated after my stoma surgery. I constantly asked myself ‘why me?’ and wondered what I did to deserve this and why I couldn’t have continued with treatments, why did they have to fail? I was in a very negative headspace and didn’t know how I would shake it. In the early days after surgery, I really struggled with feeling different. Bag changes were really hard, some days I would have spent an hour trying to gear myself up to change my bag. I also felt different and almost felt ashamed of my body. I was too embarrassed to tell my friends and family in case they thought less of me or didn’t want to be around me.
Relationships
I definitely struggled with my body image more than my partner. With having so many negative thoughts towards my body and myself, I just expected him to as well. My partner spoke real sense to me when I needed it most. He reminded me that my stoma saved my life which in his eyes was a good thing. He painted a picture that I couldn’t and he played a huge part in my journey of acceptance, I’ll be forever grateful for the sense he spoke and patience he had.
Talk about it
I tried to turn my negative into a positive. I thought to myself you either get bitter or you get better, I then decided to share my story online. In my own head, I thought If I’m the one who chooses to share my story and put it out there, I’m in control of that situation and I don’t have to worry about anyone judging me or talking about it. To this day sharing my story has been the best thing I’ve done. It opened many doors and opportunities for me and allowed me to connect with so many other amazing people who also have stoma bags. It’s such a relief to be able to speak to people who truly get it and understand all of your feelings. The power of social media will always be something I’m appreciative of. Whether it’s a small blip or something more serious, you can always get advice and guidance from others in the community. It’s also lovely and refreshing to know we’re all there for each other, trying to break the stigma day by day.
Exercise
As much as my physical health, exercise really helped my mental health. I told myself that I was lucky to be able to exercise post-surgery and I dived right into that. In the early days, my energy was quite low so getting out for a walk and some fresh air helped my mood massively. I spent time doing pelvic floor exercises, and trying to build my core up again as I felt like I was starting from scratch. Since my surgery just over 3 years ago I have introduced Pilates, running and CrossFit into my exercise routine. All of which I really enjoy and manage fine with my stoma bag!
Time is honestly a healer and it’s so important to give yourself that time to get your confidence back. Allow yourself to feel how you want to feel and take each day as it comes. I still shock myself when I look back at where I started to where I am now. I’ve come such a long way, where a bag change used to take me an hour to now less than five minutes. I’ve gone from surviving to thriving and even though I still have ‘off’ days, I take pride in celebrating my small wins and remind myself that my stoma is a small part of me now that I should be proud of.
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