If you are thinking about suicide, you are not alone. Surprisingly, almost everyone has seriously considered suicide at some point in their life. Sometimes it helps just knowing that life can be very harsh for anyone, and you are not the only one to consider suicide as an option during tough times.
Based on my personal and professional experiences, as well as guessing from suicide research, I believe almost everyone has seriously considered suicide at some point in their life. Research shows suicidal thoughts are fairly common, but getting accurate research about the real rate of a typical person seriously considering suicide just isn’t possible unless every typical person communicates about having suicidal thoughts. Which doesn’t happen. Research can only be based on data when someone calls a suicide hotline, seeks out services, reports it on a mental health assessment, or actually attempts suicide.
You can sort of guess the rates by extrapolating the current research on suicide. Like this on suicide deaths from the UK Office of National Statistics: There were 6,190 suicides registered in England and Wales (11.4 suicide deaths registered per 100,000 people) in 2024; a similar rate to 2023, with 11.3 suicide deaths registered per 100,000 people.
There is also data about the rate of how many people die from suicide compared to those that think about it: for every death by suicide in 2022, about 32 people attempted suicide and more than 250 people seriously considered it.
There is even research about how many teens and young adults seriously consider suicide:
But research can’t tell you the whole story. So, let’s talk about suicide.
For me personally, I seriously considered suicide when I was 20 years old. I had just visited a very close friend struggling with depression and suicide ideation related to recent sexual abuse. In trying to be supportive and empathetic, I took in all of her horrible thoughts, feelings, and experiences. I didn’t realize how horrible I felt until I left and was driving the 130 miles back to college. I felt bad enough to start thinking that killing myself might be a reasonable option to deal with my emotional pain. I started driving faster, gripped the steering wheel tighter, and thought about turning hard and crashing the car. My speedometer tops out at 150 miles per hour (240 km/h), and I was going faster than that down the dark night freeway. For about 10 minutes, my thoughts vacillated between hoping a police officer would catch me and how best to crash the car and kill myself. Then it hit me – what the hell was I thinking and doing. I slowed down; pulled over to the side of the road and cried.
A second event a few years later revealed how often people do seriously consider suicide. It happened at the University of Michigan during suicide awareness training. Training that was required because a University Regent had killed herself on campus that Summer. I was a graduate student and one of twenty-six live-in Residential Advisors that would monitor and supervise college students living in a university dorm. Near the beginning of the training, the instructor asked by raising hands, “How many of you have seriously considered suicide at some point in your life?”
Everyone raised their hand. We were surprised. It was a shocking revelation that this group of responsible adults, hired for their skills and maturity to help college students adjust to college, had all seriously considered suicide at some point in their life.
And that’s the thing: almost everyone has thoughts about or considers suicide as a possible option at some point in their life. But most never discuss their suicidal thinking and very few act on those thoughts. Having a thought doesn’t mean you have to act on that thought. It’s actually okay to have those thoughts when you are struggling in life to the point of not wanting to live. Your thoughts reflect the reality you are dealing with. But there is a huge difference between feeling, thinking and doing.
As a BCA holistic mental health therapist, I’ve worked with many suicidal clients. And one of the scariest and hardest things to do is validate their suicidal thoughts. It’s more comfortable to jump in quickly to say, “Don’t do it! Don’t kill yourself. Get some help.” And try to pull them away from their focus on a hellish experience. It’s harder to sit with them and process together their painful thoughts, overwhelming emotions, and unfair experiences. To quietly listen and then validate, “I heard you say that you are thinking about killing yourself. Can we talk about what’s going on?”
As we sit in that painful and uncomfortable space, I add this thought: no matter who you are; no matter what you’ve done; no matter what has happened, nobody will be better off without you. Then together we discuss their suicidal thoughts, and explore their emotions, actions, history, relationships, current risk level, available resources, and a safety plan. It’s a scary discussion. And also, a helpful one. It’s definitely worth giving it a try. You are worth it.
In discussing suicidal thoughts, one thing becomes clear: suicide is a thought. A thought that almost everyone has at some point in their life. A thought that killing themselves is a possible option to deal with a current or continuing painful life experiences. Every suicidal death that I know of, have ever discussed, or read about have that one thing in common: a suicidal thought.
Nobody gets to having a suicidal thought easily. You get there by struggling with painful life experiences. Unfair, overwhelming, often unexpected, events that overpower you with crushing strong emotions and a desire to just make it stop. Make it stop by any means possible.
When dealing with suicide, there are very strong emotions. Emotions that blow you up, tear you apart, and hurt like hell. Emotions that erupt from a traumatic, painful life experience. In that moment of unrelenting pain, you lose yourself, or so it seems. You forget that your emotions and thoughts are two very distinct and different things in your life. Emotions give you power; thoughts give you direction. Power that can blow you up but never tells you how to think or what to do. As painful as our emotional lives can be, suicide comes from a thought.
Glance at the car analogy pic below. No matter how much power pours into your gas tank, it never steers the car. I have worked with suicidal clients that have expressed overwhelming depression, frustration, grief, fear, anxiety, jealousy, hopelessness and even apathy to the point of not caring if they live or die. I validate every emotional power because it is always okay to feel what you are feeling. Even when you definitely don’t want to feel such emotions but are. But thoughts are not emotions. Thoughts direct where you steer your emotional power. I validate all suicidal thoughts because that is what you are thinking, but then I challenge those thoughts and the direction they go. There are many directions you can steer towards, but suicide is never the best direction when you think it is the only direction. That is when remembering that fighting and challenging your emotions doesn’t help, but challenging your thoughts does. Emotions are not thoughts.
When clients come into therapy having suicidal thoughts, we talk about it. We discuss their experiences and emotions and why they consider suicide as an option. Many have legitimate reasons for having suicidal thoughts. But they have other thoughts too.
One client had intense chronic pain after 17 back surgeries. Even strong pain killing medications could only dull the pain and his suicidal thoughts were steering his life to the point that he forgot about friends and family that loved him, his great sense of humour, and incredible coping skills. When he steered his thoughts in a different direction, life got better; the pain felt less. His life is still challenging, but he is enjoying and appreciating where his current thoughts are heading.
You have to find your own direction in life. It can be challenging. But sometimes, it is helpful to know that if you are thinking about suicide – you’re not alone. Reach out to a professional, hotline or someone you respect and trust and tell them, “I’m having suicidal thoughts. Can we talk.”
Places to call or text if you want to talk about suicide:
UK
- Text SHOUT to 85258 (SHOUT is UK’s free 24/7 text service for anyone in crisis anytime, anywhere.)
- Call: 0800 068 4141
- Text: 07860039967
- Email: pat@papyrus-uk.org (PAPYRUS HOPELINE247 is a free confidential helpline.)
USA
- Call 988 (The 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline is a 24/7 free, confidential suicide prevention hotline to anyone in suicidal crisis or emotional distress in the USA.)
- Text HOME to 741–741 (The Crisis Text Line is a 24/7, nationwide crisis-intervention text-message hotline.)
Dane Jorento, MSW, LICSW is a speaker offering keynotes, seminars, and workshops on mental health, trauma, ADHD, and relationships. He specialises in BCA Holistic Therapy, EMDR, and DBT approaches.