This article is the first of three, each one detailing a different personality of the three I researched and wrote about for the first time in 2000, in the book “Warriors, Settlers & Nomads“.
In truth, every one of us has the Warrior somewhere in our psyche – we can’t not, because the mixing of the gene pool many thousands of years ago means we have all inherited something of all our ancestral types. Usually, though, one of the three is dominant and it will shape everything about our lives.
Now, if Warrior is your dominant persona, you will probably disagree with a lot of what is written here!
The Warrior type is the most forthright of the three, and although they are loathe to admit it, are usually driven by fear. Fear of losing control or either self or their environment, fear of getting things wrong and an even greater fear of being seen to be wrong. They are not given to emotional display, though, preferring to keep their feelings under wraps.
There are actually three types of Warrior persona: the Leader, determined and conservative; the Crusader, who fights all sorts of battles; and the Ruler who insists on being in control of everything in their life.
Usually meticulous planners and organisers, they are highly security conscious and are also the fastest individuals in the world at spotting pitfalls in plans, and errors made by others. Doggedly determined to achieve their goals, they will often excel in matters of law.
On the upside, they tend to be fiercely protective of their friends, taking on battles where they perceive others are taking advantage in some way, hugely supportive when needed, though usually in a constructive vein rather than sympathetic. They tend to be loyal, though unforgiving if betrayed in any way.
On the downside, they can be argumentative just for the sake of it and often auto-contrary, disputing anything just because they can. They can be cuttingly sarcastic and openly critical of anything they consider to be pointless or foolish – frivolity, in particular, can drive them batty and they have no trouble saying so, since they don’t especially need to be liked.
They are not intentionally unpleasant though and are often surprised to discover people are wary of them or intimidated by them. They are usually straight talkers who just don’t find the need to “beat about the bush” – and they respect others who are equally direct.
It’s easy to misunderstand the Warrior until you know them. Although they don’t set out to be awkward or unpleasant, they just don’t find the need to be agreeable just for the sake of it. Not only that, their fear base makes them sharply reactive to perceived criticism which can come over as an attack, when it is actually defensive.
It’s easy to spot the Warrior type even without speaking to them. Physically, they are not usually very “smiley” people and not really given to much facial expression at all other than disapproval, and even that is likely to be restrained to pursed lips and an unwavering, unblinking stare. You cannot miss downright anger though – anger is an ancient primeval emotion, and the Warrior has inherited every physical expression of it that ever existed!
A Warrior male is usually a fairly plain dresser, not prone to overt fashion trends, and neither are they given to exaggeration or bursts of enthusiasm in speech or behaviour. They are more likely to be measured, steady, apparently non-reactive, with not much in the way of body language, though they will always be aware of what is going on around them.
A Warrior female, though, might well lean more towards the fashion of the day, as long as it doesn’t make her look ‘cheap’. Like the male, she will not usually be hugely expressive and will be ultra-aware of sexual interest from others around her – and if that is expressed, she is likely to be instantly dismissive. At first, anyway.
In a relationship, the Warrior’s control-orientation will ensure they have to seek to be ‘top dog’ and will never accept being the second in command unless they are with another, stronger, Warrior, which relationship is unlikely to stand the test of time.
They will always be combative. They can’t not be, because that’s what Warriors always did – challenge and fight. It’s instinctive and automatic, so there will always be arguments from time to time.
But with the right partner (and that will usually be with one of the other two types), one who does not cave in to the apparent aggression and then become pathetic, they will be determinedly supportive and protective.
If you now realise you have a Warrior in your life, be they male or female, you will be aware that it is often not easy. But recognising that their inherited instincts are what makes them what they are, and that it’s just ‘Warriorness’ can help.
It can often seem as if they are deliberately looking for a fight – and that might be the case sometimes, usually when something else that you know nothing about has caused them a problem. It can be the result of a supposed slight from somebody else, or even something that’s just occurred to them which they have perceived as a threat.
Unless you want a full-scale nuclear war that will leave lasting damage in its wake don’t contribute to the heat of the moment. Instead, keep your voice at normal level and suggest conversation to sort whatever-it-is out.
Sometimes that will work. Sometimes they will eventually stalk off in a huff. But it really is one of the best ways to avoid the sort of conflict that leaves slow-to-heal scars in its wake.
Warriors are generally not fun people, but they can be a source of great strength in your life.
Terence Watts is the creator of Brain Working Recursive Therapy (BWRT).