We often overlook the hidden power of boredom. While excitement can lead us to complacency and a desire to remain in our comfort zones, monotony can serve as the fertile ground for success. But in this age of social media and self-promotion, we find ourselves grappling with an epidemic of narcissism that threatens our emotional well-being and social fabric.
The roots of narcissism
Narcissism, characterised by grandiosity, lack of empathy and an excessive focus on oneself, is not confined to any one gender. Studies suggest that NPD affects between 0.5–6% of the population, with a notable prevalence among men. The rise of narcissism is particularly alarming among the youth, who often find themselves in emotionally abusive relationships with narcissistic peers, parents, or colleagues. This self-importance and need for validation can lead to toxic environments that stifle personal growth.
NPD seems to be proliferating, especially among the generation zee. Social landscapes particularly Instagram, TikTok and X are designed to incorporate a sense of validation, self promotion and curated images that are anything but the norm of modus operandi. These digital platforms are a double-edged sword, boosting confidence for fame and sensation while shattering moral values and aplomb. Various factors are involved that display the blueprints of narcissistic behavior.
First, our youth has been caught in the trend of a validation loop that has intoxicated their thoughts and daily life performances. The game of views and going viral has made them addicted to dopamine surges and unethical activities. Thus, the invisible shackles of external validation and digital reliance are cultivating a culture of narcissism and self-centred behaviuor.
Second, the most cringe- influencer syndrome among our youth. In today’s world without knowledge, professional degrees, skills and hard work, one can influence you in every aspect of life, earning fame and money which ultimately fails us as a nation. The influencer culture goes parallel with the narcissistic disorder because it fosters and glorifies the social status image among the user and qualifies the traits of admiration, grandiosity and entitlement.
Third, social comparison trap of self-curated success profiles has played a vital role in developing envious behavior among people. A daily content-less vlog of thirty minutes, the pomp and show of superficial achievements and social recognition all over your feeds and stories, is creating a social gap and insecurities among people. Resultantly, fuelling the narcissistic traits to achieve limelight and superiority.
Other than reel life, NPD has also been observed in real-life scenarios. It is quite visible between co-workers to grab the best positions, among siblings to be the apple of the eye of the parents; among students in universities and colleges to be a shining star of the institute. Thus, NPD is neither solely related to the digital world nor actual life, it is considered to have evolved due to pre-existing experiences and vulnerabilities including a lack of empathy, emotions, fragile self-esteem, conceit, and exploitation.
Case Study 1: Donald Trump – a leader or a narcissist?
In 2019, I was in the US to attend an educational conference. What I observed in the democratic, yet autocratic government was the prevalence of single-person ideology that is regarded as the larger-than-life figure, securing unparalleled support from the followers. Either “economic policies” or “America-first” trends, tariffs on China or trade deals like “NAFTA”, conservative Judiciary appointments, or Twitter- trends, in short, you name it and it is there. Yes, of course, I am talking about Trump’s legacy. Donald Trump, now the 47th President of the US, left an imperishable mark on the US political history during his last tenure which brought both “applause” from the supporters and “scorn” from the critics. Unapologetically, his current Presidency is no less of Conflicts and errors arise, only if he is concerned.
I am narrating the era in which I have witnessed and experienced the Trumps narratives. No doubt, his political and economic reforms solidified his status as an influential entity among the
business class, conservatives, and online audience. These factors are enough to cater to his desires and whims, the overwhelming demand for self-admiration, and recklessness, traits of a narcissistic mindset. He proved himself to be a narcissist when he struggled with “leadership” issues due to malignant narcissistic traits, which have been critiqued by over 200 health professionals and ultimately charismatic rhetoric and public charm failed to strengthen his prestige and persona.
The story never ends here. My Colleagues and I have to witness the Covid pandemic hit. The erratic decision-making during the pandemic and political preferences, including re elections, over the health crisis exposed the “biased” leadership of the president. Additionally, his lack of emotional intelligence raised a question mark on his administrative skills and public empathy. Everyone is aware of the bond between social media and Trump, especially X keeping himself out of the traditional media platforms which reflects his self-adulation and personal preferences over the cultural norms.
There is one class of people who viewed his narcissism as self-confidence and unfiltered communication as signs of strength and leadership. Whereas” his narcissism is damaging to democracy, ethics, and national discourse.”
By concluding this case study, I have documented that social media-induced narcissism is not only trending among youth, but people of every age are suffering, and Trump has proved it through his Twitter campaigns, social rallies and civil disturbances including impeachment and Capitol incident. Donald Trump’s presidency serves as a prime example of how narcissism can influence leadership. While he garnered significant support through his bold
policies and social media presence, his grandiosity and lack of emotional intelligence often overshadowed his effectiveness as a leader. Critics point to his erratic decision-making during crises, like the Covid pandemic, as evidence of how narcissistic traits can undermine public trust and governance.
Story 2: Saad “The Office Narcissist”
Before starting this story, I want to highlight workplace narcissism as a by-product of gender inequality and a male-dominated society. First it is hardly diagnosed and treated as people consider the behavioural pattern normal and on point. It is one of the worst personality disorders that can ruin the mental peace and personal growth of co-workers.
In my first job out of university in Pakistan, I was assigned to work with a team of academics and subject specialists. I met Saad, the team lead, renowned for his “immaculate vision” and “leadership skills”. He assumed himself to be version 2.0. Why not? He was the right hand of the CEO and he knows well how to turn things in his favour. But for me, his behavior was quite self-centred and critical. His lack of disrespect for the opposite gender and patriarchal mindset hit the last nail in the coffin and proved himself emotionally insensitive and self-obsessed. He used to pass unnecessary remarks on others’ performances and steer the discussions to maximise his personal opinions, desired self-admiration, and validation. Any objections or accountability switched him into rivalry mode which is a clear symptom of vulnerable narcissism. He made the office environment miserable for others which brought a huge emotional toll on the well being of others.
Saad’s and Trump’s stories reflect that not all social media users are narcissists and not all nerds are mentally healthy and stable. Narcissism is the by-product of your previous life challenges, experiences specifically in the childhood. The childhood traumas, excessive parental praise, emotional or sexual abuse, or societal backlash, which slowly and gradually becomes a personality trait without considering its harmful impacts on others.
Coping with narcissism
To navigate relationships with narcissistic individuals can be challenging, especially when they are family members, bosses, or close friends. Here are some strategies to cope:
First things first, if you must survive in above mentioned scenarios you have to be emotionally intelligent and empathetic. So, in case you do not get it from the opposite party, you can offer them from your plate. If your parents confront you, do not get exhausted, but handle the situation with care and empathy and then attempt to assert yourself.
Be mindful of your goals and targets, set clear boundaries and do not get rattled by the bad behavior of your employer. It is just a job and you can master it through your composed personality and behavior.
Finally, if the next person is your loved one, give each other space and time, do not rush into relationships, if you get indicators of concern. You must set clear boundaries and never tolerate vicious behavior, because the person might play victim and lose his temper which brings insecurities and emotional trauma.
When to say goodbye
It is not a human tendency to suffer negative feedback and narcissistic traits every time. It can be challenging sometimes if you are not heard enough, you are not seen, and you must leave the place to secure your mental well-being, emotional health and integrity. If your work environment is exhausting and deteriorating your energies, look for new opportunities set clear boundaries and limit your interactions with the narcissist’s individual.
In relationship, or you are the one who suffers the negativity, leave the person for the sake of your safety and well-being. Finally, don’t hesitate to reach out to trusted friends, counsellors, mentors and parents to maintain your emotional health and discuss your daily life experiences so that you can seek guidance that you have not been getting.
The path forward
While narcissism is a complex and often damaging personality trait, it is not insurmountable. By understanding its roots and recognising its manifestations in both digital and real-world contexts, we can equip ourselves with the tools to navigate these challenges. Remember, it’s essential to prioritise your emotional health and well-being. In a world where excitement often reigns supreme, embracing moments of boredom may just be the key to unlocking your potential for success and fulfilment. As we strive to cultivate empathy and authenticity, we can pave the way for a more balanced and compassionate society.
Bakhtawar Ehsan is a medical doctor, mental health writer, and pharmacologist . A former lecturer at Riphah International University, she blends science and soul to advocate for emotional wellness, women’s empowerment, and policy reform.