Your choice of texting, voice notes, or phone calls may reveal more about your personality than you realise, and it could influence how others perceive you. A study by technology retailer Becextech, in collaboration with psychologist Andrew Boxer, explores how communication styles reflect emotional needs and personality traits, offering insights on avoiding miscommunications and preventing being ghosted.
Communication styles and personality
According to Andrew Boxer, communication preferences often mirror emotional and psychological tendencies. “Communication styles can reflect not just a personality but also emotional needs. Attachment style also plays a role, as people with anxious attachment may lean towards calls for immediacy, while avoidant types might prefer the distance and control of text. Secure communicators tend to be more flexible and adapt their style based on the context and relationship,” he says.
What your messaging preference says about you
Different methods of communication signal distinct personality traits:
- Texters. “Texting tends to be preferred by people who like control and structure in their communication, and often introverts, or those who prefer a more formal or measured tone. It can also reflect emotional distance or a need to process thoughts before responding,” says Boxer. Introverts or those with social anxiety often favour texting, as it reduces social overload compared to phone calls, which can feel overwhelming.
- Voice note senders. “Voice messages are popular with people who want warmth and emotional nuance, but without the pressure of real-time conversation. They allow people to express themselves more naturally than text messages. It’s a middle ground – emotionally rich, but still asynchronous and convenient,” Boxer explains. Voice notes convey tone and emotion that text often lacks, fostering a sense of closeness.
- Callers. “Phone calls are usually preferred by people who want an immediate connection or quick resolution. They’re often favoured by extroverts, older generations, or possibly those with an anxious attachment style who seek real-time reassurance,” says Boxer. Calls suit those craving instant feedback or stronger interpersonal bonds.
The impact of voice notes
While voice notes feel personal for senders, they can place demands on recipients. “Voice notes allow people to express themselves more naturally, and emotions come through in a way that text often can’t. People use them to feel closer, to hear someone’s voice, or to stay connected more humanely,” Boxer notes. However, they require more effort to process. “Listening takes longer than skimming a message, and that changes what’s considered ‘normal’ in how we communicate. Voice notes can build connection, but they also reflect a new dynamic – quick and easy for the sender but slower and more demanding for the person on the other end,” he adds. Boxer highlights that the median voice note length is 17.5 seconds, but exceeding 60 to 90 seconds risks losing the listener’s attention.
Avoiding miscommunications
Matching someone’s communication style is key to maintaining connections. “If they always text and you keep sending long voice notes, they might find that overwhelming,” Boxer advises. He suggests asking directly about preferences: “Something as simple as ‘hey, do you prefer phone calls or texts?’ can go a long way and avoid miscommunications. If you have a preference yourself, communicate this kindly; most people will appreciate the honesty.”
Recognising emotional cues
Changes in messaging patterns can signal emotional shifts. “If someone who usually writes in full sentences with emojis suddenly goes cold or replies with one-word answers, that shift may signal they’re upset, distracted, or withdrawing,” Boxer says. Other cues include delayed responses, formal language, or abrupt punctuation like full stops. A message like “OK” from someone typically more verbose can indicate a problem. However, Boxer cautions against assumptions: “A slow reply might mean they’re overwhelmed, not annoyed. Instead of jumping to conclusions, it’s better to gently check in.”
Tips for slow repliers
For those who struggle with timely responses, Boxer recommends setting expectations. “A quick message like, ‘I’m not great at replying straight away but I’ll get back to you soon,’ can help manage how your silence is interpreted,” he says. He also suggests a weekly message sweep: “Take a few minutes to scroll back and check if there’s anyone you meant to get back to but didn’t. It’s a small habit that helps you stay thoughtful and connected, even if real-time replies aren’t your thing.”