Getting a stoma at any age or stage of life can be difficult. You might completely reject the idea and put up with awful symptoms just to avoid it. Or you have just woken up from emergency surgery with one and can’t even bring yourself to look under the hospital blanket. Maybe you have just found out your best friend or your child will need one and you are worried for them.
If that feels like you, it’s ok I have been there too, my journey has been a rollercoaster of emotions.
For a long time, I struggled with my body.
I hated how it looked, avoided mirrors and compared myself constantly to others. It felt like my friends were all hitting milestones while I was dealing with bag bursts and I genuinely felt betrayed by my body. I could not accept that the only way to live my life would be with a stoma.
I didn’t feel ‘normal’. I wasn’t happy in my own skin. When I had my reversal, I was relieved. I thought getting rid of my stoma would fix everything and I convinced myself that this was worth every symptom because I wanted so badly to feel normal.
Learning to accept my stoma
Body acceptance didn’t happen overnight for me. It has taken years and years and I don’t think I’m truly 100% there, but I’m doing ok.
Instead of being ‘fashionable’, I make fashion suit me. That’s not to say I don’t like to dress up but I feel more confident when I’m comfortable. If you told thirteen year old me that I wouldn’t have a worry in the world on my wedding day, I would never have believed you!
Finding control in small choices helped me, even if I can’t control everything, I can still shape my story just slightly. For example, I opt for a black stoma bag because it makes me feel more confident.
A big step in body acceptance for me was opening up to friends and family, and the support of others. I don’t hide my stoma now but it also doesn’t define me, it is just a part of me and will be forever.
Don’t feel like you have to love your body right now, you don’t even have to like it every day. Honestly I sometimes still envy the bodies of others but I remind myself of all the things my body is capable of, and what it has been through to get me to where I am today.
Don’t put your life on hold while you wait to feel fully accepting, just take it one step at a time. Confidence and acceptance doesn’t come from no where, it comes from getting stuck back in and living your life.
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Keep the conversation going on our podcast, Beyond the Pouch! Hear real stories and honest chats all about life with a stoma.